Suicide...
This one is not about the music.
I had a really fucking awesome day today.
I talked to a friend, and actually said what it is I feel inside, about my music and, it sounded like everything it is supposed to be.
Found a super cute dress for 5 bucks!
I got out the house and, the feeling of loneliness wasn’t with me. I was just in my skin, and loving it.
So…
This is my suicide letter to some of the people in my life.
I’m jumping off the bridge, splitting my wrists, and overdosing on the pills of self-pity. Because you don’t trust me. You regret the past or, you have no faith in me or what I do. I put the gun to my ears to keep from hearing, “it’s just a phase”
Suicide is selfish. That’s why I don’t point the finger at any of you. I point the finger at me, and my gift of a big heart that I allowed to be an enabling curse for all you selfish bastards.
This is an explanation because I want to give it. And I’m just simply exhausted of fighting to be noticed. Yes, you see me but, do you see me? The person that I am, I’ve grown to be and will continue to be?
It is absolutely liberating, to be honest and secure and vocal, and humble enough to get on my knees and pray every day. To take time every day to spend with me, myself and I yet, it still feels like it’s not enough for you. And you. And you, and…
Guess what? I kill myself. I’m dead. Allow me to fall off like a scab from a bruise you got when you were young, never to leave a trace. But if I do leave a stain on your skin, allow someone else to heal it because, I will not be guilty any longer for past mistakes.
I may lose some friends, followers, or foes. But what I have and will continue to gain, feels absolutely, unbelievably astounding.
The freedom to be me. The talkative, sweetheart that would give her last bite to the man on the corner. That would offer the lady at the bus stop a ride to her home on the other side of town. The woman who, offers food, shelter and a chance for others to vent, with just one phone call or text.
The woman who thinks naiveté is okay, just as long as you see the world as a beautiful place with some sort of a definition of a happy ending.
The woman that gets so overwhelmed that, she just needs a break but won’t take it because she knows that someone out there needs her. And if they don’t, they sure are playing the role well...
The woman that has finally kicked away the chair but you were too busy, saying what she doesn’t do, to even notice.
