Everything Is Music...

All Story From Blog

Day 5...

Dear Dreams-

You're getting stronger and much clearer each day. Some people may think I'm crazy for investing so much importance in my dreams but, there's no explanation needed when you reveal so much truth...

Like, when last August, I had a dream a Lion was attacking my territory? I got fired 2 days later.

Or when I dreamt that a woman was taking the time of a person I love so dearly? Yep, she was and still is...

How about another! When I had the dream where I was writing a song, and two days later, a producer called me and asked me to record some original music...

I don't give you all the credit tho, my dear Dreams. All of it really is linked to my spirituality and confidence in God. You see, without that link, I don't believe that you would be so vivid. I don't believe that names, places and perfect detail would even come to me.

The other day, I had a dream that I was yelling, but no one heard me. I knew then that, yelling, screaming, repeating words in vain was just a waste of my energy and, a lost of creative strength and valuable time.

So today, I blog. This serves many purposes in my life and I couldn't be happier for it. :)

The advantage? I'm closer to God. I have a better understanding of me and my goals in life. I know what b.s. I will not take. I know that I can't get a grasp of my circumstances if I'm always talking and not listening.

The only disadvantage is that I don't take heed until its too late. That's just sometimes. I may not see whats right in front of me until it hurts too deep. Dreams, you're teaching me to follow and trust my instincts. And believe what is being shown to me. What's right in front of my face.

Many Thanks-

B.Fly

P.S.: Some people may think it's crazy. They just don't believe. And, you know what? It's not for them to believe however, In due time, they will see.

Day 4...

To My Sister-

I took sound advice from someone the other day, that led me to believe that, your words were not from a place where hurt resides. They are from a place where you care enough not to sugar- coat. I am supposedly 'overreacting', when the 'fat bitch' phrase is thrown around because, you care so very dearly about my health and well-being...

Let me not get too sarcastic. I'd still put my life on the line for you. Ans, all the years of my admiration still won't equal the future days of bragging rights I feel I'm entitled to. To say my sister is a children's Nurse, A mother of 2 beautiful children, a safe sex advocate, public speaker, and literary junkie, makes me feel like there's a Nobel Peace Prize winner in my presence!

All I want to say? I love you. I still look up to you. You still are my everything sister. You're the only one I've got and, thats no punishment to me. One day, you'll see that I'm no burden either.

Forever-

Your Baby Sister

Into the Night...

Into the Night.

He rides.

Car waxed so right that you could see the night off the paint.

Red-coated, like the passion.

The fire inside him.

Skyline glaring back at you, he looks in his rear view...

Rides thru the night,

Stars so bright reflecting off the eyes of him.

Steps out the car, 6 foot god that Rome missed out on,

But Babylon appreciates his craft...

Gets to the club to see the people dancing to his beats.

They're hypnotized by the sound.

They have no clue that he's the man who plans the chords just right,

with just one press,

an ear, wrapped so tight around the melody...

But all we see is the DJ, spin in order, blinded by the flashing lights...

So, he steps out, and rides back into the night.

Suicide...

This one is not about the music.

I had a really fucking awesome day today.

I talked to a friend, and actually said what it is I feel inside, about my music and, it sounded like everything it is supposed to be.

Found a super cute dress for 5 bucks!

I got out the house and, the feeling of loneliness wasn’t with me. I was just in my skin, and loving it.

So…

This is my suicide letter to some of the people in my life.

I’m jumping off the bridge, splitting my wrists, and overdosing on the pills of self-pity. Because you don’t trust me. You regret the past or, you have no faith in me or what I do. I put the gun to my ears to keep from hearing, “it’s just a phase”

Suicide is selfish. That’s why I don’t point the finger at any of you. I point the finger at me, and my gift of a big heart that I allowed to be an enabling curse for all you selfish bastards.

This is an explanation because I want to give it. And I’m just simply exhausted of fighting to be noticed. Yes, you see me but, do you see me? The person that I am, I’ve grown to be and will continue to be?

It is absolutely liberating, to be honest and secure and vocal, and humble enough to get on my knees and pray every day. To take time every day to spend with me, myself and I yet, it still feels like it’s not enough for you. And you. And you, and…

Guess what? I kill myself. I’m dead. Allow me to fall off like a scab from a bruise you got when you were young, never to leave a trace. But if I do leave a stain on your skin, allow someone else to heal it because, I will not be guilty any longer for past mistakes.

I may lose some friends, followers, or foes. But what I have and will continue to gain, feels absolutely, unbelievably astounding.

The freedom to be me. The talkative, sweetheart that would give her last bite to the man on the corner. That would offer the lady at the bus stop a ride to her home on the other side of town. The woman who, offers food, shelter and a chance for others to vent, with just one phone call or text.

The woman who thinks naiveté is okay, just as long as you see the world as a beautiful place with some sort of a definition of a happy ending.

The woman that gets so overwhelmed that, she just needs a break but won’t take it because she knows that someone out there needs her. And if they don’t, they sure are playing the role well...

The woman that has finally kicked away the chair but you were too busy, saying what she doesn’t do, to even notice.

Eyes For You: An Original Acapella...

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Day 3...

Day 3:

Dear Parents-

You two, individually are awesome. As a unit, you meant well. I don’t mean to sound cold but we all know by now, it just is what it is.

I cant say that this letter will be loving. Not at all. In a matter-of-fact way, this letter will simply display that product that you both are responsible for. The goal that you both vowed for, under God. The test that you both have failed.

And then, in your self-centered agreement, you bought children into the equation and, taught them the exact way not to do it. So…

Who do we look up to?

Who do we ask, which way to go?

What kind of Mother to be?

What kind of man is an ideal candidate to be the Father and Husband to the unit that we are meant to create?

You both are selfish. But I can’t blame you but so much. At 28, I should have been able to figure out the mess made by now, right?

I know these questions will be answered with, “Well, we can’t turn back time…” so, I just don’t ask them anymore. I often catch myself, taking it out on my significant other and, ultimately causing a relationship to struggle. But, I’m not the only one and, you are not the only parents to blame. There are tons like you, who sought something that they THOUGHT was the dream. Not having a blueprint yourselves, you just continued the domino effect.

So, a generation is teaching itself how to love, honor, cherish and obey. Simple rules, crafted for the selfless…

Simple rules that, immature definitions of love couldn't possibly follow…

The cycle. It stops. Right here. Right now.

Sincerely, Your Child

Reset...

I had a few challenges over the weekend...

First, losing a friend to a ridiculously petty situation and, ultimately finding the root of the problem to be fear...

Second, I had to delete all my music programs from my computer which, meant all beats, recorded songs, lyrics, etc...

Third, and thru all this, trying to keep busy, without tucking away and internalizing the situations above.

All of these things brought, tears, a few listening ears, and a brand new feeling of faith, patience, and persistence. In the past couple of weeks, I was doubted. I was told that my hard work was just a phase. But, I was also pushed and, I couldn't be more grateful at this time.

The album will NOT be out this Summer but, trust, when I release these thoughts and emotions, you will be blown away!

This is just my time to regroup, refocus, and reset.

Thank you for believing in me and my talent. I promise I won't disappoint you!

Day 2...

Day 2:

Dear Crush-

You still rock my socks.

You make me blush and I get stupid clumsy, giddy, and downright stupid whenever we speak.

Love stoned? Heck yea!

Can you still be a crush, even though we were already a couple? Obviously…

I guess I shouldn’t call it crushing for that reason. It’s loving. Yep…

Always pick up your calls. Pressed.

Does that make you a crush or me vulnerable?

And now, A Poem for You:

From the moment I saw you,

I knew you were the one…

Your fly, matched my fly

Yes, you’re my type of guy.

No, I can’t explain it,

My thoughts? I can’t contain it…

More than a crush,

Oh baby, its love…

But its killing me softly that I cannot have you,

Still want you,

Still need you,

I can’t explain why…

I only have eyes for you

Not a star in the sky…

I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright…

When that boy walks by,

Angels in heaven align…

But its killing me softly that I cannot have you,

Still want you,

Still need you,

I can’t explain why…

I only have eyes for you

Sincerely, Your Admirer

Day 1...

Day 1:

Dear Best Friend-

Let me count the ways that make you just that. Oh wait, I can’t measure why, you’ve just always been. Since the day I was born, you made a promise to me that, even if I didn’t return the love, you would always be there for me.

Even when we weren’t speaking I could call for a cry. You’d give me advice. Sometimes words I didn’t like. And even when you rang my phone to let tears go, I was there too. It wasn’t even near reciprocation. Nothing I can do can even compare to what you have already done. Even after I realized the world was bigger than me, you still allowed me to think that I was the most beautiful girl in the entire world.

And why are we able to bond like we do? I mean, for real, we’re WAAAYYY past the “nurturing” stages.

I’m certain you already know that though. It’s your nature that I now need. That know-how to make it, day-by-day. That energy, the strength to know when to say when. The inherent instincts that only a woman can possess. The ability to love. And forgive. The blueprint of discipline and perseverance. The one thing that I can’t understand though: why did you compensate with gifts? A good conversation, a gentle touch, a sweet hug or a kiss would have made my day better than any material possession I owned.

I realize now, that you didn’t know any other way because you weren’t shown any other way. I know it’s selfish that I still feel bitter but, I see myself becoming you. Everything else would be an honor to duplicate. But compensation is ruining my relationships and, by the time I figure it out, it’s often too late. No fault of yours, just letting my bestie know… ;)

And yet, you still managed to be the best damned Mother in the entire world. How? How did you pull it off? How are you still able to give me encouraging words followed by the meanest side-eye?

I pray to one day have your strength.

I pray to one day have your humility.

I pray to one day have your consistency.

I pray to one day have your compassion.

I pray to be as steadfast as you still are.

Until then, I will continue to be your biggest fan- The Princess looking up to her Queen.

Sincerely, Your Baby.

Project...

So, in the midst of everything that's going on right now, I've decided to keep myself even busier...

I am going to do "30 Days of Letter Writing":

Stolen From http://www.cherriesblossoming.blogspot.com and quoted from Miss Tinea:

"I'm going to do it. I think it's awesome. I don't realize alot of things until they're written down....Yall should do it with me"

So, here we go! Letters to follow because, hey, what do I have to lose?

30 days of letter writing

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Past The Surface...

My loves manic manipulation,

Controlling anger and frustration...

Leads to my hate and defeat.

That's how I feel when you're not with me.

You cant be serious? That there's no listening existing?

I can take better that

We have a problem co-habitating.

And even that's hazy...

This shit is really crazy.

My head is aching

So I stay awake all night lately

"Stay busy", "Stay Busy"

Music making...

Fear that the snakes and broads will start to bite

The yes men

The okay girls

In plain sight

I just might

Not give a damn

In due time

But that's not apart of my plan. In my mind.

In my feelings...

I'm supposed to feel this,

Cuz these tears harvest my growth

And the flowers bloom in Spring

But in Summer, your hiatus

But remember in that Fall I fell,

I saw something promising

That even if the title changed like seasons,

I had a friend who knew my reasons

for loving, and living carefree

So that My Love could see past surfaces seas

That there's more to life than hurting.

Ultimately, my Love, and his manipulation bursting from the seams seems to trump his love for me.

Everything Is Music...

All Story From Blog

Day 5...

Day 4...

Into the Night...

Suicide...

Eyes For You: An Original Acapella...

Day 3...

Reset...

Day 2...

Day 1...

Project...

Past The Surface...

Soundtrack to Summer - I Double L Featuring B Fly

Star Spangled Banner- Acapella

Lady In My Life...

Miseducation...

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